9 Years Anniversary - "How can you both last so long?"

Hi, this is me again!

As usual, this is not a perfect day to write a blog.
But i need someone to read this...
Biasalah #edisibaper

June 12th 2017

9th Year Anniversary 

***

Wuuuu... so happy and proud. Some marriages even last only few months, but we manage
to stay together for this long. Tau sih ini bukan ukuran kesukesan, kebahagiaan atau pencapaian gitu, tapi tetep rasanya spesial. Liat sendiri, nggak semua orang punya cukup kesabaran, pemahaman, untuk bisa punya long time relationship.

This is also why i have this question asked like thousand times:

"How can you both last so long?"

I have various answer, which maybe...  none of them is the truth.

I don't know what about him, but i have no other reason.
It's because i love him.

I don't know how or when, but the love grow each day, each year. Till i realize, i
love him more than last year, more and more.
I think i have arrived to a point, where i can go insane if he's no longer by my side. I mean, i'm only 24 but i've spent 9 years with him. Growing up as an ordinary ugly teenager, to a more mature and an educated person, we've been there for each other.

How does it feel to have long time relationship?

Jadi....

Waw. 9 tahun.
To be honest, memang nggak sebentar. Kadang dibilang, wah gak kerasa ya udah 9 tahun.
No. Kerasa banget kok. Dicek aja kumpulan foto pacaran dari dulu sampe sekarang sudah berapa GB habisin memori, sudah berapa tempat dikunjungin bareng, dan lain-lain. 9 tahun itu nggak sebentar, we have more memories than you think 😂. He's now part of my life.

Bosen? Sejujurnya, enggak.
Justru sebaliknya, i love him even more.
Gimana sama sifat buruknya? Sejujurnya juga, sekarang sudah sampe di titik dimana paham kok, orang mana ada yang sepenuhnya baik. Even myself have countless flaw, and he is able to be patient about it. Yang pasti, dia jadi orang yang lebih baik tahun demi tahun, jadi nggak ada alasan untuk pergi karena beberapa hal buruk.
Aku sendiri banyak jeleknya. Haha. Kalo belakangan ini yang sering bikin dia kezel itu kayaknya: egois, baperan, dan "cemburu aja kerjanya". Maap kalo salah, namanya juga introspeksi yak.
Hmmm....
Kalo kata qoutes:

"Love isn't finding a perfect person.

It's seeing imperfect person perfectly"

This is truth. Kadang terpikir, kenapa punya pacar kayak dia rasanya perfect?
Kind hearted person, down to earth, good responsibility, a loyal man. He makes a perfect boyfriend, even a perfect husband.

Do love need a reason?

Kalau memang nggak perlu alasan, okay, karna memang dipikir-pikir, how can i love this man so much? Nggak ada jawaban yang tepat. Why do i love him? I don't know, i just do.
Kalau memang perlu alasan, okay, ada sejuta alasan juga. Why do i love him? Yang disebut tadi adalah beberapa diantaranya, ada banyak lagi, ditulis di sebuah tulisan terpisah yang tidak ada di blog ini. Hehe.

Rasanya dia sendiri pernah penasaran. Hihi... So i will tell you some in this post.

I LOVE YOU, BECAUSE...

1. You let me cry in your arms. Hug me tight, and listen to what i have to say when i am sad or mad. 
2. You did a lot of effort for me. I mean, a lot. Driving for hours and hundreds kilometer... Meskipun siang, meskipun malem. Meskipun  naik mobil, meskipun naik motor. Meskipun abis jaga, meskipun abis soap. Meskipun macet, meskipun enggak. Meskipun dari Lawang, meskipun dari Malang. But... you still come...
3. You still love me despite my physical appearance. To be honest, you know, i am far from beautiful, right?
4. We laugh at people together! Pekak-pekak lagi pedicure, karyawan nyebelin, taxi yang nyupirnya seneb, dadong-dadong menor, emak-emak ngotot mau leci tea sama empal, kaiju-kaiju banyak gaya, dan banyaaak lainnyaaa. Hahaha
5. You're smart and positive man ;D I only attracted to a man who is smarter than me ;D 
6. You have wide shoulders *kyaaaaa. Salah satu hal favorit di dunia ini: lay down on your shoulders. Yap.
7. You make me feel that i've done something big. Bagi orang-orang, Amigurumi mungkin biasa aja, but you keep saying i'm cool, i'm amazing. Makes me feel great :)
8. You love your family :) Someday when i become part of your family, i hope you will love me as much :)
9. You are a kind person. Befriend with everyone, helping friend as long you can help. Yaaa.. meskipun sometimes i get jealous over this. You get too kind to everyone, i'm afraid they fall in love with you too (haha. egois yah)
10. ..........................................................

Okay, sembilan dulu ajaa karna anniv ke-9. Hahaha. Ada berpuluh-puluh alasan lain sih di catetan sebenernya. Hihi.

Ever feeling down about this relationship?

Well, iya.
Terlepas dari semua kebahagiaan, ada sekelemit rasa-rasa down.
There's no perfect relationship.
Tapi bukan karena kekurangan satu sama lain, bukan karena apa-apa. Nope.

...........

Tapi kadang, nggak tau sejak kapan..
Kadang rasanya aku bukan siapa-siapa.
Kadang sampai pada pemikiran: am i even anyone to him? Apa dia mempertimbangkan seorang aku ketika mengambil keputusan besar yang berkaitan sama hidupnya?
Karena ketika dia memutuskan sesuatu yang besar, he didn't mention me as one of the reason.
Mostly, karena pertimbangan sistem, pertimbangan kemudahan, pertimbangan ekonomis, pertimbangan keluarga. Kalaupun ada aku di dalam pertimbangan, i am the last priority.
Kayak.. mungkin aku nggak bisa jadi sebuah alasan utama ketika dia memutuskan sesuatu buat hidupnya.

Cause yes, he is really someone to me. My every life decisions, i count him in.

Yes, i want to be someone to him.
Nggak enak punya perasaan bahwa selama 9 tahun, kalau dipikir-pikir ada atau enggaknya aku, hidupnya akan  tetap sebaik saat ini, nggak ada bedanya. If i make no differences, why am i even there?
Kadang mulai terpikir, maybe he never really need me? Maybe i am the one who need him?

He is a great man.
I know he loves me, i know more than anyone.

But somehow... i feel so replaceable... bisa tergantikan.
Sekalipun bukan aku, maybe there still will be another great woman for him (?)

Is it an egoist feeling?

Is it possible to let him go?

No. Never...

Future wishes?

I just wish we can grow to be a better person.
Love each other more. Have less argument. And accomplish what we always wanted without delay and difficulties. But most important, to stay happy and healthy.

I ask him, what's his future wishes?
He answer: rina lebih banyak bersabar dan bersyukur

Hahahah. Okay then, i will try.
Diingetin lagi kalo rina kurang sabar dan kurang bersyukur yaaa

Happy 9th Anniversary

Read More

Knitting! Journey of my first project ever

One big new thing in my life is, i learn how to knit! Haha! XD
Okay, it's not new actually.

I started knitting 2 years ago and so far, only finished 2 scarves, and an ugly coin pouch (the scarves were awesome but the pouch was ugly AF). Not an awesome achievement at all tho. Haha. It's not that don't want to knit anymore, but it does consume a lot of time. 

So. This happen when i consider what birthday gift should i give to bf. Cause we have such a long time relationship, i started to confuse. We exchange gift like many times, and i thought, what again? T-shirt, shoes, watches, etc? Gave them all already. I started to browse like crazy! Lol

"Birthday gift for boyfriend"

"Unique gifts"

"Gifts based on hobbies"

............

............

Till i found article that advice me to knit. Then i thought, hey why not? Is it that hard? I saw my bestie's sister learn to knit and at that time she was able to knit a sling bag for herself. I thought it shouldn't be that hard.

I started to learn from youtube. I realize actually a lot of people knit! Never thought it would be an activity that many people do. A lot of youtubers upload an easy and simple way to start knitting. They might have different way but all work anyway so i just picked the clearest one i can understand.. After watched like 10 videos and i decided to work on scarf. Only straight line and no pattern. My bestie's sister even recommend to just work on scarf first. She was also quite sure that it won't failed. 

Ok. I trust myself, and start to buy the needle and yarn.

Went to yarn store but as it was a small store, there were not so many kind of yarn to choose. I want a big fluffy yarn. I was clueless about what yarn is suitable for scarves. My imagination took me to a soft, warm and fluffy scarf (i mean, Korean Drama in winter shows me that warm thick scarf sis!)  Think about logic again, why do Surabaya people need that kind of scarf. We're dying out of hotness every single day -__- . For sure the yarn didn't meet my expectation. But since there were no choice, i ended up bought few rolls of gray cotton yarn.

Chunnie with scarf on I Miss You :* I have this kind of expectation. Haha

First, i did some loops to make sure i really able to do this. Haha. I was totally clueless, and on my first trial, the result wasn't neat at all. The worst part was, i didn't realize i do "increase" stitch! I started with like 5 or 6 stitches, but as i go it ended up with 10 something stitches. Lol. Imagine it shape like a triangle. And i was like: is it really like this? I do it like the video. Why it ended up like panties? Ewwh.

I went to my bestie's sister to consult about this problem, and she was amazed cause i literally did increase stitch. Haha.

Anyway, i started to try another one with the same grey cotton yarn. Surprisingly, i did decrease stitch -___- . Where the hell was my mind? It was really ugly, and i start to doubt the yarn will produce a good scarf.

I didn't give up tho. Haha.
I browse online like crazy. Tried to buy yarn and learn which yarn for what. Few days of research till i found an online store with bunch of yarn, and affordable. Yuhuuuuu~~~ But the most important thing, i found a little bit chunkier yarn in this online store. Which is, of course, satisfy me more than the small gray cotton yarn. I choose bulky yarn with dark brown color.


I was super excited even when waiting the yarn to be arrived in my hand! Lol.
I started knitting as soon as the yarn arrived.
Aaaaaand.... did a super good job with the yarn. Haha!

I knitted super slow tho. As i didn't want to make a mistake and restarted this project. Sometimes the stitches were too loose and too tight, but my bestie's sister already told me before that those problem will happen, so it was just normal.

But when there were wrong stitches it literally will ruin the pattern of the scarf. So if i realize my mistake, i took of the wrong stitches, and stitches them again. What often happen, i only realized my mistake after few stitches more done. So i need to stitches more than i should. The worst part is if i only realize my mistake after few rows T___T
Such a hurtful truth.

Anyway, i only took some photos after fiinished like 1/4 of the scarf

dark brown bulky yarn, and half way to finished :D  

Seriously it does need a lot of time just to make 1/4 of the scarf. I realize this job really need a persistence person, patient, and not easily bored. Knitting can be quite confusing at first. You need to know exactly which hole you are going to stitch, and make sure the yarn don't go into wrong side. But once your finger master it, you can easily know which hole for which stitch. Some people can even knit while gossiping around .__.

Meanwhile an amateur like me, just do it with full concentration. Haha. I am afraid i'll forget and make a wrong stitch. Stay focus is the key. Also an amateur like me don't know how the yarn should linger in the finger and how the edge of the needle should go. As you can see i am wearing something in m index finger. My finger didn't bleed, it was just it so hurt when the edge stab my finger. And it happened for every stitch T_T

I come with the idea to wrap my finger with tissue or bandage. Just so it won't hurt so much when the needle stab :'

Scarf getting longer :D and my finger getting hurt so much :'o

After so much hurtful stab... and hundreds of stitches.. few rolls of yarn.. and few liter of my sweat XD ... the scarf finished on time :D I was superrrr happy. omg. To be honest i really can't believe myself. I really turn a ball of yarn into something wearable. It was quite neat and soft. Just maybe too wide (?) But still the result satisfy me :D

Trying the scarf for the first time :D tired face but totally happy

Can't wait to see how it looks on bf. Hehe.
Well of course he was very surprise. Like, did you seriously knit this? Did you even knit? How long it takes to finish this? When did you start? :O
I was glad he liked it and always keep the scarf. I know not so many chance to wear them cause Indonesia is such a hot country, sis. At that time he has some plan to travel aboard, and this scarf might come handy. But in the end he didn't have the time to go. So still no chance to wear the scarf.

But then last year (Dec 2015), he went to B29, which is i don't understand and never heard its existence before. You can count this as a mountain climbing. I never thought he would bring it with him, till he sent me some photos :D

Doesn't it looks good on him? Hehe

Read More

Slice of My Heart's (that can't be told to parents)

I just realized that i have a blog. Lol.

Yes it's been a long time since i write (wait no, i didn't even visit).

You know, many things happen. I'd love to write as much as i want the world to know, but time is the most limited thing in this world. Even for an unemployment like me.

This and that happen, and now i'm here at home for holiday since like 2 months ago (?). As usual, my parents expect me to work at office or at the shop. I do everything they ask (at least i think i do, cause yeah, my body really move to do those works). I join the meeting with tax consultant, join seminar here and there, controlling every shops, etc etc. I really think i have done some works. But then today, after 2 months almost end, i was being told:

"Why you do nothing? I told it's up to you to work at accounting, stock or display or anything. But you did nothing all this time"

That was feels like lightning struck in the middle of the day.

I-DID-FUCKN-NOTHING

All i did is nothing counted in my parent's head. All i did is lazying around. All i did is not giving any impact or help for the company.

Other probability is my parent never knew i really did something just because they didn't see it directly with their two own eyes. Is it mean you can judge people easily? We only have 2 eyes in one body, do you expect you need to see everything right in front of your eyes?

Come to think again, i don't even wish to have/get anything. Not even words of appreciation, cause i know my parents wouldn't have it for me. Come to think again, i just need them to recognize me. I really did something and they acknowledge it, that i am able to do something. But i got nothing like that. Not even close.

I need to say i receive so much sarcasm (i can't even count them) regarding how lazy and how stupid and how passive and how i am so useless to the company. But again, this actually don't motivate me to do something better. Let's say i am really useless, but hey, sarcasm don't help. I need instruction, coaching, training, etc to do better. Let's face it, in reality you need those instead a bunch of bullshit sarcasm.

In other time, after so much sarcasm i wish to give up. I start to believe i can't do anything. Should i just be a housewife of a doctor? And live a simple life with my children while waiting for husband to get home?  I don't have any abillity anyway. I am stupid and useless to lead a company.

What's my master education going to do then? Few times... i really think to give up and stop. Other sarcasm about this is:

"What's the use of going college so far away and so long? You should've give any input for the company!"

- while anything i said is being rejected and non sense, they said. I keep trying but appreciation? Of course no. Only hurtful sarcasm.  It hurt so much that i can't forget some of mean words.

While i'm trying to lift my spirit, to not give up, they said something like:

"Now you've grown up, there is no need for us to lead the way anymore. It's up to you what you want to be"

It was also a lightning struck.

As for right now,  i still have regret cause i don't go to Psychology Faculty. I apply to one university but rejected. Feel like trying another but then again,

"Psychology? What the hell you will become!"

So i choose the safe way, Economic Faculty. It's not that i hate this, but i definitely not so into this.

Anyway, if you actually about to say "up to you", why not say it back then when i'm trying for Psychology? Now that i have done with economic, i can't do anything that is "up to you". My only choice is to run this company...

I believe i can't do anything about this. I know my parents work so hard up till now. And i did appreciate it, so much with all of my heart. That's why i'm always trying despite so much sarcasm and so much regret i have in my heart........

Empty Road, Empty Heart

.

Read More

Surabaya Heritage Track by House of Sampoerna

Visit on July 30th 2015.

If you probably in Surabaya and don't know what to do,try Surabaya Heritage Track. I've been to House of Sampoerna in 2013, but didn't get chance to try Surabaya Heritage Track (SHT). So i just went visit the museum, which is quite fun also :)

What's in SHT?

SHT is basically a very short tour hosted by House of Sampoerna, which is completely free for everyone. 

SHT has few schedules in a day. Every few hours the bus is departed to some different places depend on what was written on schedule. This short tours only last for one hour. In that one hour, SHT bus takes you to two or three places. Although this tour is short, SHT has its own guide person explaining this and that and everything. Surabaya has its fame for city of heroes, and has so many historical story in it. That's why on the way to some places the guide will story telling about many things, especially about old buildings around. And he explain bilingual, Bahasa Indonesia and followed with English translation. So, worry not!

For some reason and for some people, the guide's English might not so clear because of pronunciation, but you can ask if you missed anything.

You can visit houseofsampoerna.museum for more info for schedule and reservation.

This was sticked in the board. Since they could changed this anytime,
visit their website for latest schedule.

SHT Bus

SHT has its own bus that specially modified so it's more tourist friendly. It's red colored, very easy to recognized everywhere. The bus's window is widen so we can freely sight seeing. Though it's free, bus is very clean, comfy seat and with aircon. Staff will handed a tourist id before the tour started, and you will need to give that id back after the tour finished. Overall i personally think this is comfortable for a short tour.

Lovely boyfie in front of the bus

SHT id

One Hour Tour

So there is a theme in every scheduled places. My theme was Surabaya - The Trading City.

We visited 2 places, Hok Ang Kiong temple and Ex. Escompto Bank.

Hok Ang Kiong temple was the oldest temple that has ever built in Surabaya. This temple formerly use as a warehouse by Chinese businessman. As time goes by, Chinese population increased in Surabaya and they thought they would need a good place to pray. Then it became a temple. This temple is very small but this one is oldest one, so worth to visit.

Hok Ang Kiong temple

Second place was Museum Bank Mandiri, or ex. Escompto Bank. When you entered, this is a simple museum that explain banking in Indonesia at old times. I must say this wouldn't be interesting if we went there without guide. Because the guide man explain many things, like the hierarchy photo of Escompto Bank's leader which is actually always a Dutch person as the boss on top, also 200 JPY in a frame, which arrive at the bank
but no one has come to picked them up until this very day (kinda mysterious money), et cetera.

Old typing machine, one of the museum property

That was an interesting one hour :)

Tips

- You need to reserved your seat at least two or three days before your day of visiting. I suggest to never come without reserved, their seats is almost full everyday. The reason i didn't get a chance on 2013 is because i came without reserved anything.

- Come 30 minutes before the bus departed. You will need to take your tickets.

- Don't forget your camera

- There are two seats right beside the driver. If you like too freely sightseeing in front of you, when they opened the bus, go in first :)

Though SHT is not a new thing, hope this help anyone :)

Having fun taking photos around while waited for the bus to be open.
Oops army couple! :D
*not even a couple shirt, but yeah, same pattern, so i'll counted this as couple shirt. Lol

Read More

Lulus Sidang :)

Kadang hidup ini begitu-begitu aja. Kadang seneng-seneng bisa hangout sama pacar atau gosip-gosip sama temen-temen. Kadang sedih-sedih kenapa kita gak bisa seperti orang lain. Kadang juga penuh tekanan dan urgensi yang rasanya bener-bener ingin segera dilewati dan selesai.

Yap!

Terima kasih pada Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa, ISHWW, pada 26 Juni 2015 saya berhasil menyelesaikan sidang skripsi dengan nilai yang bagi saya sangat memuaskan. Haha. Juga mengingat pengujinya yang patut bikin kaki lemes sejak denger siapa-siapa pengujinya sekitar 2 mingguan sebelum sidang. Diceritakanlah ada 5 dosen top killer di konsentrasi manajemen keuangan, dan 2 diantaranya di ruangan sidang saya. 

Tidak perlu sih rasanya mengisahkan perjuangan skripsi yang dari pilih topik hingga lolos sidang ini. Saya yakin semua sarjana mengalami sulitnya skripsi masing-masing. Kesulitan satu sama lain mungkin tidak perlu diperbandingkan, karena sungguhan, banyak faktor yang menyebabkan terjadinya skripsi A dan skripsi C serta skripsi 3,5 tahun dan skripsi 7 tahun. Terlepas apapun kesulitannya, setelah melaluinya saya sendiri merasa bangga dan salut sama diri sendiri. Ternyata saya mampu melewati semua beban yang berat ini, semua cacian, semua keringat dan semua kesulitan skripsi. Buat teman yang sudah melalui ini, good job! Kalian sangat hebat bisa melalui ini lebih cepat.

Kalau ada istilah "badai pasti berlalu", rasanya tidak semudah itu ya memang. Haha. Ketika mau UAS atau UTS, ya tentu saja badai jenis ini pasti berlalu. Tanggal 1 UTS, kalau sudah lewat ya sudah. Sesulit apapun mata kuliahnya, dan setidakbelajar apapun kita ya UTS itu pasti berlalu (meski hasilnya entah apa, tapi kan sudah lewat).

Lalu apa bedanya badai-badai ujian lain dengan badai sidang skripsi?

Untuk sidang skripsi, harus kita yang pergi mendekati badainya. Jadi badai yang ini tidak akan berlalu sampai kapanpun kalau bukan kita sendiri yang mendekati si badai, yang merupakan satu-satunya cara untuk ke pintu keluar mahasiswa. Disanalah sulitnya memotivasi diri sendiri untuk survive, struggle dan mentally strong untuk berani masuk ke badai. Juga memotivasi untuk segera menyelesaikan skripsi. Penyelesaian dan pemahaman skripsi itu rasanya kayak mempersiapkan diri sebelum masuk ke badai.

If we're not clever enough to prepare ourselves, we'll never brave enough to face the storm.

Semua hasil ini juga tidak terlepas dari dukungan banyak pihak yang sudah saya sebut di Kata Pengantar. I sincerely thank everyone. Everyone. Keluarga, Udik, teman-teman, dosen-dosen, staf, dan semuaanyaaa. Lulus sidang menurut saya adalah sebuah pencapaian yang sangat besar mengingat ohh perjuangannya. 

Officially Sarjana Manajemen :D
Cute accessories, balloon, flowers, chocolate, crown, etc were handmade from my beloved friends 

Here they are~
Support me from start till the end.
Aris-Anis-Nina-Putri-Sarah-Donna-Luvi

No happy moment without selfie .__.v
*Donna's face was no wrong. She expressed herself just like that in every photos taken that day

For one last thing, ketika rasanya lelahh dan pusingg sama skripsi, saya selalu mengingat bahwa semua usaha dan kerja keras pasti akan terbayar. Entah itu kapan dan dalam bentuk seperti apa. Tuhan tidak akan membiarkan usaha kita sia-sia. Prinsip itu jadi ternyata tertuang dalam quotes Kang Gary oppa yang isinya saya tidak pernah lupa:

Read More