9 Years Anniversary - "How can you both last so long?"

Hi, this is me again!

As usual, this is not a perfect day to write a blog.
But i need someone to read this...
Biasalah #edisibaper

June 12th 2017

9th Year Anniversary 

***

Wuuuu... so happy and proud. Some marriages even last only few months, but we manage
to stay together for this long. Tau sih ini bukan ukuran kesukesan, kebahagiaan atau pencapaian gitu, tapi tetep rasanya spesial. Liat sendiri, nggak semua orang punya cukup kesabaran, pemahaman, untuk bisa punya long time relationship.

This is also why i have this question asked like thousand times:

"How can you both last so long?"

I have various answer, which maybe...  none of them is the truth.

I don't know what about him, but i have no other reason.
It's because i love him.

I don't know how or when, but the love grow each day, each year. Till i realize, i
love him more than last year, more and more.
I think i have arrived to a point, where i can go insane if he's no longer by my side. I mean, i'm only 24 but i've spent 9 years with him. Growing up as an ordinary ugly teenager, to a more mature and an educated person, we've been there for each other.

How does it feel to have long time relationship?

Jadi....

Waw. 9 tahun.
To be honest, memang nggak sebentar. Kadang dibilang, wah gak kerasa ya udah 9 tahun.
No. Kerasa banget kok. Dicek aja kumpulan foto pacaran dari dulu sampe sekarang sudah berapa GB habisin memori, sudah berapa tempat dikunjungin bareng, dan lain-lain. 9 tahun itu nggak sebentar, we have more memories than you think 😂. He's now part of my life.

Bosen? Sejujurnya, enggak.
Justru sebaliknya, i love him even more.
Gimana sama sifat buruknya? Sejujurnya juga, sekarang sudah sampe di titik dimana paham kok, orang mana ada yang sepenuhnya baik. Even myself have countless flaw, and he is able to be patient about it. Yang pasti, dia jadi orang yang lebih baik tahun demi tahun, jadi nggak ada alasan untuk pergi karena beberapa hal buruk.
Aku sendiri banyak jeleknya. Haha. Kalo belakangan ini yang sering bikin dia kezel itu kayaknya: egois, baperan, dan "cemburu aja kerjanya". Maap kalo salah, namanya juga introspeksi yak.
Hmmm....
Kalo kata qoutes:

"Love isn't finding a perfect person.

It's seeing imperfect person perfectly"

This is truth. Kadang terpikir, kenapa punya pacar kayak dia rasanya perfect?
Kind hearted person, down to earth, good responsibility, a loyal man. He makes a perfect boyfriend, even a perfect husband.

Do love need a reason?

Kalau memang nggak perlu alasan, okay, karna memang dipikir-pikir, how can i love this man so much? Nggak ada jawaban yang tepat. Why do i love him? I don't know, i just do.
Kalau memang perlu alasan, okay, ada sejuta alasan juga. Why do i love him? Yang disebut tadi adalah beberapa diantaranya, ada banyak lagi, ditulis di sebuah tulisan terpisah yang tidak ada di blog ini. Hehe.

Rasanya dia sendiri pernah penasaran. Hihi... So i will tell you some in this post.

I LOVE YOU, BECAUSE...

1. You let me cry in your arms. Hug me tight, and listen to what i have to say when i am sad or mad. 
2. You did a lot of effort for me. I mean, a lot. Driving for hours and hundreds kilometer... Meskipun siang, meskipun malem. Meskipun  naik mobil, meskipun naik motor. Meskipun abis jaga, meskipun abis soap. Meskipun macet, meskipun enggak. Meskipun dari Lawang, meskipun dari Malang. But... you still come...
3. You still love me despite my physical appearance. To be honest, you know, i am far from beautiful, right?
4. We laugh at people together! Pekak-pekak lagi pedicure, karyawan nyebelin, taxi yang nyupirnya seneb, dadong-dadong menor, emak-emak ngotot mau leci tea sama empal, kaiju-kaiju banyak gaya, dan banyaaak lainnyaaa. Hahaha
5. You're smart and positive man ;D I only attracted to a man who is smarter than me ;D 
6. You have wide shoulders *kyaaaaa. Salah satu hal favorit di dunia ini: lay down on your shoulders. Yap.
7. You make me feel that i've done something big. Bagi orang-orang, Amigurumi mungkin biasa aja, but you keep saying i'm cool, i'm amazing. Makes me feel great :)
8. You love your family :) Someday when i become part of your family, i hope you will love me as much :)
9. You are a kind person. Befriend with everyone, helping friend as long you can help. Yaaa.. meskipun sometimes i get jealous over this. You get too kind to everyone, i'm afraid they fall in love with you too (haha. egois yah)
10. ..........................................................

Okay, sembilan dulu ajaa karna anniv ke-9. Hahaha. Ada berpuluh-puluh alasan lain sih di catetan sebenernya. Hihi.

Ever feeling down about this relationship?

Well, iya.
Terlepas dari semua kebahagiaan, ada sekelemit rasa-rasa down.
There's no perfect relationship.
Tapi bukan karena kekurangan satu sama lain, bukan karena apa-apa. Nope.

...........

Tapi kadang, nggak tau sejak kapan..
Kadang rasanya aku bukan siapa-siapa.
Kadang sampai pada pemikiran: am i even anyone to him? Apa dia mempertimbangkan seorang aku ketika mengambil keputusan besar yang berkaitan sama hidupnya?
Karena ketika dia memutuskan sesuatu yang besar, he didn't mention me as one of the reason.
Mostly, karena pertimbangan sistem, pertimbangan kemudahan, pertimbangan ekonomis, pertimbangan keluarga. Kalaupun ada aku di dalam pertimbangan, i am the last priority.
Kayak.. mungkin aku nggak bisa jadi sebuah alasan utama ketika dia memutuskan sesuatu buat hidupnya.

Cause yes, he is really someone to me. My every life decisions, i count him in.

Yes, i want to be someone to him.
Nggak enak punya perasaan bahwa selama 9 tahun, kalau dipikir-pikir ada atau enggaknya aku, hidupnya akan  tetap sebaik saat ini, nggak ada bedanya. If i make no differences, why am i even there?
Kadang mulai terpikir, maybe he never really need me? Maybe i am the one who need him?

He is a great man.
I know he loves me, i know more than anyone.

But somehow... i feel so replaceable... bisa tergantikan.
Sekalipun bukan aku, maybe there still will be another great woman for him (?)

Is it an egoist feeling?

Is it possible to let him go?

No. Never...

Future wishes?

I just wish we can grow to be a better person.
Love each other more. Have less argument. And accomplish what we always wanted without delay and difficulties. But most important, to stay happy and healthy.

I ask him, what's his future wishes?
He answer: rina lebih banyak bersabar dan bersyukur

Hahahah. Okay then, i will try.
Diingetin lagi kalo rina kurang sabar dan kurang bersyukur yaaa

Happy 9th Anniversary